sometimes some people, and maybe all people they get so lonely that it physically hurts. and i think if i ever knew one of my friends hurt so much that i would try and be the remedy to that pain. can you take a step back and think about that? just your company can take away someones pain. and sometimes the pain from the mind is so much worse than any physical pain. i would know because this has been my constant companion and i dont mean to get all sylvia plath on everyone, but the people that i could see through all the fog well i will never forget that about them. the sad thing is i dont think i can forget the ones i didn’t see. im not a victim here. im lucky in so many ways really. and i am perpetually confused and forever disappointed but thats just the bar on my expectations. i try and deal with my anger and i lash out less i think. but sometimes i want to scream and ask why i couldnt find anyone. sometimes i want to scream and say i didn’t choose to feel this way and you didnt help. or i would have been there for you if you needed it. but i don’t. i just write on here like an angsty tween. but i think its better then anyone else saying anymore things to me or about me. i am very aware of what im like. i am aware im difficult. i am also sure i am worth it. i am also pretty sure that everyone else has just as many flaws as i do, and that its not fair that the state of friendships should be on one persons terms.